One of the biggest (and probably up there as one of the worst) parts of anxiety is the fact that it often fills you with panic and fear over the most irrational things. Things that the more calm side of you know are rubbish and unlikely (if not impossible) but yet it still brings that boot shaking, stomach upsetting fear that can break you down.
Sometimes things like OCD or anxiety have an amazing way of making you pretty sure you did/said something that you actually didn’t.
Sometimes its easy to realise that your fears are irrational and other times it really isn’t. So here are just a handful of the genuine things that I worry about, despite how irrational and bizarre they are…
1. It’s 100% likely that a clown will jump out and kill me when I drive down dark country roads.
It seems that everyone’s forgotten about that period in 2016 where clowns kept appearing in cities and chasing people. Me and my anxiety have NOT forgotten.
2. That I have definitely written a swear word into an important email at work.
I gotta log back on and check. Because once my mum wrote the word ‘bacon butty’ into a report just because she was thinking about them, so its highly likely that in my general state of worry, I wrote something deeply offensive by mistake – I always check – I never have.
3. I have definitely crashed my car and just not realised.
4. Every illness/symptom, I’m 100% dying and or pregnant.
Have you found the theme yet?
5. I’ve definitely pressed my work radio and now everyone can hear me talking rubbish.
I LOVE my radio at work (I’m trying to convince them to get me a Britney headset) but I am forever thinking I’ve pressed the button and worrying that everyone’s just heard me discussing that time when I sat on a wet bench and soaked my trousers. That story was okay for my work girls not the Chief of Operations.
6. Someone in the café I’m sat in, definitely knows the person I’ve just bitched about.
Despite whispering, using code names and practically using sign language to get my point across (yes I’m that paranoid) I still think that someone is bound to have overheard me and therefore grass me in for that thing I said about someone who lives in another city.
I once had a picnic in an empty field and still felt sure someone had overheard me.
7. I’ve 100% forgotten to do a VERY important piece of work.
So I’ve completed my to-do list, cleared my inbox and done tasks that weren’t even set, but I’m still sure I’ve forgotten something. Something very important indeed, so important that maybe I didn’t even know it existed?
8. I’ve definitely just shared that highly inappropriate Buzzfeed quiz onto my elderly relatives Facebook page.
Pick a flavour of pizza and we’ll tell you how good you are in bed. It’s all fun and games till your fingers slips too near the Share button. Next thing I know, I’m frantically searching Facebook to make sure my older Facebook friends aren’t getting the shock of their lives. Who knew a Pepperoni pizza could do so much damage.
9. I did control my face when she said that. Didn’t I?
Resting bitch face combined with my inability to hide my emotions from my face. Please tell me I didn’t just eye roll my Head of Department. In fact I’m pretty sure I scowled and swore a bit. Did I? WHY DON’T I KNOW.
10. There is definitely something gross (and or dead) in the bottom of my carton of juice.
Ever since I read a story about people finding things in their juice cartons, I have an extreme fear of finding something. I’m too scared to look in and the thought of drinking straight out the carton makes me die a bit inside. WHAT IF IT TOUCHES ME.
I have never found anything in any drink. Ever.
Lets be honest and lets be real – anxiety is a bitch. Even as I’m writing this I can’t believe I actually worry about any of these things, but I do, daily.
So next time you’re panicking because you’re pretty sure you did something you shouldn’t even though you rationally know you didn’t, just remember you’re not alone.
On a more serious note, if the worries are getting too much, don’t be afraid to seek help. Talk them through with family or a friend or reach out for CBT. A thought is just a thought and you can overcome it.
And before you add it to your list. No. You’re not going insane. Promise.
*Cover picture from Pinterest*