You may remember a long long time ago I wrote this piece; ‘Flooding’ – the scenario that might be taking over your arguments. about a term I had found and discovered which had definitely made me rethink a few things.
Well after a tough 6 months, I’ve been taking time out to work on myself and accept what’s been happening. Which is when I came across the term Stonewalling. Something I had never thought about but that has definitely happened to me before!
I wanted to talk about it briefly today, because I often find that sometimes you just need to be able to understand what’s happening to be able to cope and recover.
You might know it by another name: ‘the silent treatment’ maybe, or ‘freezing’ someone out’. It can involve one person saying ‘I’m fine’ even though something is clearly wrong, or simply refusing to speak at all.(Taken from the Relate website)
It’s all around the idea of completely shutting down and blocking people out, whether it’s disappearing off the grid for a few days or literally leaving a conversation half way through.
I’m an overly emotional person and wear my heart on my sleeve, so I really struggle when people shut me out and won’t explain how they are feeling. So it’s something I’m trying to work on accepting. Everyone deals with things differently and people manage their emotions how they think is best.
If it’s happening to you, you might need to detach yourself from the situation, let people come to you or take some time to put yourself first. But the main thing is that, it isn’t about you.
When stonewalling is deliberate, and is used with intent, a partner might be trying to dominate the relationship. They could be trying to control you by not addressing any issues and stopping you from taking any action as well (You can find out more and get some advice from Relate here)
You can find a really interesting article that will give you a lot more information here.
So if this is happening to you or maybe you feel like you might be doing this to someone else, then now might be a good time to reach out and get some advice. Whether that’s from close friends, family or from counselling.